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Apr 13, 2019

In Defense of Cersei

As someone who famously bleached their hair solely to look like Lucius Malfoy, it should come as no surprise that I effing love Cersei Lannister. Her family is, without a doubt, my favorite on Game of Thrones, and I will forever defend their toxic blondeness.

“Why do you love Cersei so much though?” you ask, in the most annoying voice. Let me count the ways: she’s badass, loyal to a fault, and preternaturally stunning. “Why do you hate Cersei so much though?” I ask, in the most angelic, Ariana-like voice. Everyone starts screaming at me all at once—I hear you guys, so let me address your concerns one by one.

[Before that, let me state the obvious—spoilers are coming.]

But she blew up an entire city!

She! Saved! It! There was literally no other way to free King’s Landing from the Sparrows’ theocracy. Well, other than The Mountain killing all of them. Or a diplomatic takeover. Or just moving to another city. Okay, maybe we didn’t need that dramatic of a solution—but hey, my girl got the job done.

But she's a violent monster!

Okay, so maybe she poisoned someone in a prison cell so their own mom could watch them slowly die, and maybe she wine-boarded a religious figure (definition—waterboarding, but with wine).  But hey, she said it herself, "Power is power." Cersei is pure in her motivations—she wants power. That's it. And if you get in the way of that in the slightest, she turns into the Queen of Pettiness, and I live for every second of it. She is competitive as all heck - besides, as her other famous quote goes, "when you play the game of thrones, you win, or.... well, ya don't win." That's how the quote goes, right?

But Daenerys! We stan!

Seven hells. Daenerys is so god-dang overrated it makes me hurl. This girl is the most textbook definition of “Fake it ‘til you make it.” Yes, her evolution since the first episode is remarkable, but her confidence was always just an act.

Daenerys loves showboating, and flexing on everyone and their dad that she has dragons. But still, how many times has she asked, “What do you think I should do?” Sad. At the end of the day, she has no clue how to be in charge, and just yells at people because she thinks that’s what a queen should sound like.

Cersei, on the other hand, was born with confidence. Even in the flashbacks of her as a child, her demeanor was always that of a queen. Cersei always knows exactly what she wants, and doesn’t need pet dragons to make people fear her.

But she has sex with her brother!

Ugh. Yes, Jaime Lannister is arguably the hottest boy in Westeros, but I will never forgive Game of Thrones for romanticizing twincest (definition—incest between twins).

Yes, every one of their IncestBabies™ have been record-level dumb, and we can’t blame parents for the actions of their shitty, shitty kids. Regardless, this shows just how far the Mad Queen is willing to go to preserve the Lannister bloodline, and you have to somewhat respect that serial-killer level of dedication.

But, but… she’s just… bad!

Hell yeah she is. Cersei is fierce, unapologetic, and has the coldest death stare in all of the seven kingdoms. She is bad to her core, and owns it hard.

But her haircut looks like a Minecraft-obsessed sixth-grade boy!

Okay, well. Y’know what – you got me there.

CORRECTION: An earlier version misstated Cersei's involvement in Jon Arryn's death. Y'all, don't write about Game of Thrones from memory.