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Aug 20, 2014

My Future Grandson's Letter Home

August 7, 2064

Dear Mom,

Hi when are you coming back? I don’t like it here and I wanna go home. Grandma is mean. She makes me write this on a piece of paper and I didn’t even know paper was real I thought it was just in old movies.

And she doesn’t want us calling her Grandma anymore because it makes her feel like an old zombie but I don’t get that either because most people here are old zombies since their species took over the human race a couple years ago so I don’t know why that’d be a bad thing. But yeah so now she wants us to call her Queenmother so I guess we will so she doesn’t sound mad again. She always sounds mad because we can never tell if her face is mad because her face never moves. We asked Queenmother why and she said her face never moves because a doctor puts a magic potion in her face that makes her look pretty forever. Why don’t you get that magic potion, Mom? Queenmother is so pretty and maybe if you got the magic potion in your face then you could be half as pretty as her. By the way, how old is Queenmother? Is she 27 because she looks the same as all the celebrities. So anyway we’re sitting in Queenmother’s movie theater right now watching Blue Ivy’s anniversary tour. I still really like her but a lot of people don’t since she punched North West in the face that one time. Queenmother says that’s exactly why she likes her. Queenmother is funny. I think it’s because she drinks so much of her special water. I don’t know what it is well it looks like water and smells really bad but she still drinks it every meal. She said I’m not old enough to try it so I hope when I’m older I can drink all of it and be funny too. Okay well it’s 7pm so I have to go and massage Queenmother’s back because she said she deserves it and I should stop asking questions. She's right. Okay I love you. Please come back. Please.