✨ follow @kalisuckz on twitter ✨ or just e-mail me at kali@kalisucks.com ✨ love u

Feb 14, 2019

thank u, next: A Totally Unbiased Ranking and Breakdown

This album is unreal, and making this was the only way I could even attempt to process it. Please drag me and let me know your personal rankings. I love you. Let's get into it.

12. make up

the sound: A cute, fluffy wink.
the message: “Make up” is a double entendre!!! Hehehe!!
the best lyric: “Highlight of my life, just like that Fenty Beauty kit”

Feb 12, 2019

De Rise, De Fall, Demi

A Recap of Last Night's Episode of The Bachelor

We open on the Thailand beach at night. The President of Delt is just walking on the shore in a full-on suit, looking like an absolute Backstreet Boys video.

Real question, guys—who enchanted a thimble and brought Hannah G. to life?

Feb 5, 2019

The President of Delt in Thailand

A Recap of Last Night's Episode of The Bachelor


We open on the ringing of vaguely-Buddhist bells, sounding like Colton’s famously uninitiated body part. There are monkeys! There are children barebacking horses! There are thirteen Hollister-sales-associate-looking girls! People, welcome to Thailand.