Why She Sucks

"S-W-A-G, swag."
Although she is only 26 years old, Kali has already won many awards for her illustrious career, including Tri-County Spelling Bee Champion, Best Rack of 8th Grade Class, and Most Likely to Get Punched in the Face. She believes that talking in third person makes her sound important. Kali currently lives in an egregiously big mansion with her filthy rich husband. 

(Editor’s Note: Do not include last sentence until 2018.)