Jan 24, 2018

The Case for Boss Baby

On January 23, 2018, The Boss Baby had officially established its place in cinematic history, alongside Citizen Kane and Titanic, by being nominated for an Academy Award.

Many people believe that this nomination came out of nowhere, and that Boss Baby does not deserve to be an Oscar-nominated movie. However, those of us who are true Boss Baby fans (often referred to as BB-Girls) know that this movie not only deserved to be nominated, but it deserves to win. For your consideration, here is the case for Boss Baby.

It's edgy.

I shit you not there is a bare bottom in the opening scene. Yes, the opening scene. They’re telling you right off the bat, “Hey—this movie ain’t for the faint of heart. If you have a problem with nudity, then get out, buddy.” Besides, if there’s a butt in the opening scene alone, just imagine how raunchy it can go from there!*

*There is no other instances of nudity in Boss Baby. Unless you count emotional nudity, then older brother Timothy Templeton really bares it all on-screen. Like, really gets full boobs-and-butts emotional about the stress of having a new baby brother.

Tobey Maguire is the narrator.

Did you even notice this upon first viewing?! (I presume you, like me and my family, have seen this cinematic powerhouse several times.) Well, guess what – it’s true. My generation’s Spider-Man narrates Boss Baby as the older voice of Tim Templeton, and boy, do my Spidey senses tingle whenever I hear his raspy man-child voice.

Besides, you know what other movie Tobey Maguire narrated? The Great frickin’ Gatsby – ever heard of it? Yeah, thought so. And guess what – that movie won, not one, but two Oscars, baby.

It’s also noteworthy that Tobey Maguire is a total g-damn mob boss. Did you see Molly’s Game? The Michael Cera character is based on Tobey’s role in the real-life poker games. A stone cold BOSS, I’m telling ya – a cold, heartless, 5’8” cutie patootie Peter Parker BOSS.

Side note: I feel victimized and defrauded that Spider-Man is in fact two words with a hyphen between them, and not just one word. I always thought it was just the one word, like a Jewish last name – Spencer Spiderman. I don’t know. Bye.

It has Steve Buscemi.

Do I even have to argue this? Man’s a bona fide movie god. Next question.

It has heavy elements of magical surrealism.

Magical realism, a narrative technique made popular by world-renowned authors such as Isabel Allende and Gabriel Garcia Márquez, portrays the real world as realistic as possible, but infusing it with surreal magical elements.

Boss Baby takes place in classic Middle America. Although its universe is animated, it represents the world as we know it. However, Tim’s imagination tends to run wild (classic case of only-frickin’-child-syndrome), and the movie follows his every whim. From the depths of the jungle to outer space, Tim’s magical fantasies are portrayed as existing in the movie’s world.

Not only is this an exciting and unique storytelling method, but I’m guessing the Academy likes it since it is frankly the only reason I can see how The Shape of Water was nominated. Like, that girl is hooking up with a straight-up FISH. Hello, was anyone else not creeped out by this.

Alec Baldwin. As a baby. 

Like, come on. A full-grown man! Playing a baby?! Are you kiddin’ me?! That’s crazy! And he really did look like a baby in the movie. No frickin’ way any other movie could pull that move off. No frickin’ way. Plus, Alec Baldwin and Tobey Maguire's voices in ONE movie? Please, Lord, I am only a mortal - a mortal who is effing d r o o l i n g.

It illustrates the real emotions of learning to love your sibling.

I have three siblings so I’ve always assumed that only children are just swimming in money constantly. Like nonstop money, games, attention, money, presents, money – I think I’m hitting it on the head here, right? Anyway, Tim Templeton was an only child until Boss Baby entered the picture (and yes, the baby’s name in the movie is actually Boss Baby – there is no cover-up, nothing), so I imagine he had a pretty sweet gig.

This sweet only-child-money gig leads him to hate his new baby brother when he first enters the world through his mother’s—I mean, when he gets dropped off on the family’s doorstep. Boss “Totally Normal Name for a” Baby immediately steals all the attention that Tim once got, and I’m guessing all of that sweet only-child money, too. Regardless, the two brothers work through their differences, and [SPOILER ALERT] learn to love and appreciate each other in the process.

We all know what it’s like to clash with your siblings, unless you’re a rich psychopath that is an only child. Boss Baby illustrates this tension firsthand, and shows how much greater things can be if we decide to work together and get along. It’s just beautiful, and such a worthwhile message – I’m not crying, you’re crying.

Suicide Squad won an Oscar, so literally anything is possible.


Boss Baby does not involve anyone doin’ it with a straight-up fish.

I mean.